He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize