I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
