Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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