yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
