So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
