dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
