My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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