omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
