i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
