I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
