In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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