He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
