Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
