So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Life without a bra equals bliss.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
