I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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