Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
