i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
