I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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