I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
