i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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