my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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