Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
