We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
