Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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