We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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