Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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