I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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