Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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