Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
