your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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