He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize