Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
