perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
