I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
