As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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