the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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