If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
In America we eat man semen.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
