What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
