I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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