My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
