new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
