you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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