I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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