your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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