ugly people sure do ruin things
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
