i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
