I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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