just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
