Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
