WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
