Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
