You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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