I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
