I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
