i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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