ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
