Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
