The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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