I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
