Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
