Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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