Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
