Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
