Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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