yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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