At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize