we're chasing vodka with high fives
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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