Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
