Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
