I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I smell stomach acid.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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