Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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