The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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