i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
