She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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