WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
