hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you would pick up someone in the library
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
