moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
