why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
