The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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