My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
