woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
