just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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