just come out here and I will go home with you...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
