Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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