i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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